


Forever’s a long time

by subak_jumokbap



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Sad, but not so sad maybe, wedding au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 04:15:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16590677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/subak_jumokbap/pseuds/subak_jumokbap
Summary: Yuta never imagined he’d be the best man at Doyoung’s wedding.





	Forever’s a long time

**Author's Note:**

> What is this? I don't know either;;;

Yuta eyes Doyoung from behind as Doyoung nervously plays with his fingers and shifts his weight from one feet to the other. Doyoung tugs on his suit to straighten out the non-existent creases and Yuta can tell that he’s trying his hardest not to bite on his fingernails. Yuta sighs and makes his way over.

“Stop fidgeting so much! It’ll only make the jitters worse.”

Doyoung jumps at the sound of Yuta’s voice, putting his right hand over his chest. “Don’t creep up on me like that!”

“You know I was supposed to be behind you the whole time, as according to plan,” Yuta deadpans. He looks at Doyoung’s appearance and frowns when his eyes land on Doyoung’s tie. It’s slightly off-center and he reaches out to adjust it. “Just take a deep breath and calm down. Show them the Kim Doyoung that everybody knows. But maybe not the snobby one. We want to give them a good image.”

Doyoung scoffs. “I _always_ give them a good image.”

Yuta hums as he steps back to check the position of Doyoung’s tie. “Of course, of course. Except that one time they caught you drunk and causing up a stir at the diner near the apartment? Or that one time you talked back to the CEO of that reputable company? Oh and remember that time when-”

“Ok we get it, I’m human and make mistakes,” Doyoung cuts him off.

Yuta grins. “But this is your wedding and the press will capture everything.” Yuta flattens Doyoung’s tie against his chest, finally satisfied with its position. He pats Doyoung’s shoulders encouragingly. “So be at your best. And if the press acts up, I’ve got your back. Don’t worry.”

Doyoung visibly relaxes and his facial expression softens. “Look at you, playing the role of the best man so diligently.”

Yuta chuckles. “What can I say? I didn’t want you to regret the decision of choosing me.”

Something shifts in Doyoung’s eyes and he holds Yuta’s gaze. “Who else, if not you.”

Yuta gives him a smile. “I’ll be the best-est best man ever. You’ll see.”

A wedding staff suddenly appears holding a clipboard and wearing an earpiece in one ear. She signals to them, indicating that it’s time for the ceremony to start. They both give each other one last look and Doyoung nods at Yuta resolutely before he squares up his shoulders and walks out with an air of confidence that only Kim Doyoung can carry. Any sign of him being nervous disappears in a flash and it’s something Yuta had always admired of him. He’s always in control of himself and his priorities are clear. Once Doyoung steps out, the cameras start flashing rapidly and Yuta counts to five before he follows and walks in.

Doyoung stands at the altar with a stoic expression as the cameras click away noisily. Yuta stands at the side at his rightful place. He puts on a serious expression and does a brief scan of the crowd. Cameras are lined up in rows at the back of the wedding hall and he sees faces of big business people that he’s only seen on the media. It’s not a familiar setting for him but he relaxes when he spots a few familiar faces like Sicheng, Jaehyun and Taeil. It’s been a while since he’s last seen them and it comforts him to see them here.

The wedding hall is beautifully decorated and it’s exactly what he had envisioned when Doyoung had told him about it on the phone over the past few months of wedding planning (although it’s mainly Doyoung complaining about why there are 80 shades of pink, or how there’s no point in tuxedo-fitting when they all look the same). Streamers of white and pastel pink hang from the ceiling and flowers consisting of a range of roses, tulips and lilacs add a hint of romance to each table. The soft lights give a romantic glow and it’s lovely and exactly how a wedding should be. The murmurs in the wedding hall die down promptly and the bridesmaids, groomsmen, maid-of-honour, ring-bearer all enter in order and finally, the bride herself.

As she walks in, all eyes are on her and it’s not just because she’s the star of the ceremony, but mostly because of the aura she radiates. She captivates everyone with her walk and her smile and it’s hard to look away from her when her aura simply draws you in. As she walks down the aisle, she gives Doyoung a small yet warm smile and it feels intimate that Yuta feels compelled to look away. Doyoung’s hardened expression melts away and he returns it with a genuine smile.  Yuta knows it’s a look that’s meant just for her and not for show for the media. Yuta thinks it’s fitting how the two most charming people he knows are getting married to each other.

From what Doyoung had told him, Yuta knows that the two have known each other since they were kids. They started as family friends since their families are both players in the business field and have interacted a lot with each other, building up a bond that lasts till today. They’re perfectly attuned to each other’s personalities and behaviour, having practically grown up together and attending the same schools. Although they went to different colleges, they never lost contact and that itself says so much about the type of bond that they have. Yuta had met Doyoung in college and Doyoung had introduced her to him as his close friend and one of the people he keeps close to his heart. Although when she’s around all he does is tease her and get into petty arguments.

Doyoung takes the bride’s hand from her father, giving him a polite bow and they stand in front of the officiant. The officiating begins and Yuta watches on but he ultimately gets immersed in his own thoughts. His mind wanders and he thinks it’s weird how after knowing Doyoung for so long, he’d never imagine being in this situation. The whole idea of Doyoung _getting married_ and him as _best man_ was something he never even thought would occur. But looking at where they are now, he realises that so much has changed. When he catches his mind straying away from the ceremony, he internally chides himself and focuses his attention back to wedding. Doyoung is already putting the bride’s veil back down and the crowd cheers and applaud. He missed the whole exchange.

The official cameraman of the event is busy snapping away, lights flashing non-stop and his shutter sounds endlessly. He shoots instructions for who to be in the pictures first and Yuta hangs by the side with the other groomsmen until he gets called.

He sees Taeil squeezing past groups of people to get to him, giving a smile as a greeting when he finally reaches. “Look at you, all fancy and posh. I still remember those days when you walked around in tank tops and basketball shorts.”

Yuta laughs. “I’ll be right back at that lifestyle when this is over. Can’t be the most eye-catching man today, can I?”

“As if he’d let you outshine him,” Taeil remarks. “I hope you’re prepared for later. I don’t want my help to go to waste.”

“You should have more faith in me hyung. I’ll make it the highlight of the night.”

“I’ll look forward to it then,” Taeil hums. “After all the tears and effort that went into it.”

“Hyung,” Yuta groans. “Can you please pretend it never happened?”

“And why would I do something foolish like that?” Taeil teases.

Yuta groans again and before he can plead Taeil to erase that memory, he hears the cameraman calling on the best man for a picture with the couple. Yuta excuses himself and makes his way over.

He stands beside the bride and greets the married couple. “Congrats on getting married,” Yuta grins to Doyoung. “I’m sorry I’m only telling you now but you married quite a mess of a man here, Jiwon,” he jokes to the bride.

 “Tell me something I don’t already know,” Jiwon plays along, eyeing Doyoung. “He’s definitely the lucky one in this marriage.”

 Doyoung scoffs at their exchange. “I can’t believe two of the most important people in my life are dissing me on my wedding.”

Yuta shrugs. “Best man obligations.”

The cameraman motions for them to stick closer and smile for the camera. The flash starts going off and he angles them different ways to get the perfect picture. “Gosh this is really tiring. I can’t believe you have to go through this the whole day.” Yuta mutters behind his teeth as he smiles for the camera.

Jiwon laughs and her face suddenly lights up as if she had just remembered something. She turns to Yuta and holds his arm. “I almost forgot. Yuta, we’re doing the best man speech before dinner instead of after. Are you okay with that?”

“Sure, no problem. I’m prepared to read it out anytime,” Yuta says and Doyoung rolls his eyes at his show of confidence.

“That’s what you used to say back in college for our presentations. You always end up winging it.” He eyes Yuta carefully. “If you wing your best man speech at my wedding-“ 

“And have you angry at me for the rest of my life? No thank you. Don’t worry, Taeil hyung helped me with it.”

“Good.” Doyoung huffs out.

The cameraman then invites the guests to take photos with the bride and groom, and Yuta takes it as his cue to move away and linger with other people in the crowd. He politely walks past people as they make their way towards the bride and groom when he spots a welcoming face in the distance. 

He sneaks quietly from behind, jumps and clamps down onto his target’s shoulders. “Sicheng!” he exclaims cheerfully as a form of greeting.

Sicheng jumps in surprise and turns around. His surprised expression quickly changes into a frown, albeit a fond one, when he comes face-to-face with Yuta. “You never change do you hyung?” 

He hasn’t seen Sicheng since a few weeks back where he had drunk-called Sicheng and bawled his eyes out when Sicheng came to find him. Sicheng is someone Yuta truly treasures. Sicheng had been there for him through college and although Doyoung is his best friend, his friendship with Sicheng is different. Yuta lets his emotion run free when he’s with him. Whenever he gets homesick Sicheng would never fail to come over and cheer him up because he knows what it’s like to be homesick as well. He keeps Yuta company whenever Doyoung gets called for some last minute business issues and he was there through Yuta’s first relationship and also his most recent heartbreak. Sicheng always brings Yuta comfort and makes him feel like everything will turn out okay. He’s happy to see Sicheng here.

He grins at Sicheng. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Sicheng rolls his eyes but brings Yuta in for a hug anyway. “I haven’t seen you since...” Sicheng trails off. The drunk incident. Right.

“Yeah, it’s been quite a while since then hasn’t it?”

Sicheng hugs him tighter and holds him close. “I hope you’re feeling better.”

Yuta stiffens but relaxes immediately in Sicheng’s arm. He pulls himself back and holds Sicheng squarely by his shoulders.

“Of course. It’s a wedding anyway, it’s a happy occasion. I shouldn’t be all moody on Doyoung’s special day right?” Yuta jokes. 

“If you don’t feel up to it, tell me and I can drive-”

Yuta grabs his hand, promptly cutting him off. He rolls his eyes. “Come on, grab a drink and find a seat. I’ll be giving the best man speech later and you can’t miss out on it.”

 

—-

 

The crowd has settled down and are sitting at their respective tables while waiting for dinner to commence. Doyoung and Jiwon are seated at their designated table while Yuta sits with Sicheng and Taeil a few other friends from college, like Johnny who was Doyoung’s roommate and Jaehyun who was Doyoung’s junior who loved to get on Doyoung’s nerves.

Doyoung had just ended his toast to his and Jiwon’s family and he thanked all the guests for coming and the well-wishes they’ve received. He sits back down and searches for Yuta to give him the signal that his speech is up next. When he spots Yuta, Yuta gives him a thumbs up, making him anticipate what’s to come.

“Now, we shall move on to the best man’s speech. Would the best man please.” The MC announces.

Yuta stands and clears his throat. Whistles can be heard here and there, mostly from friends who’ve known Yuta and Doyoung since college, and Yuta pretends to shy away from the attention he’s getting. The crowd laughs and Doyoung shakes his head with a smile. Yuta had always been a natural people-pleaser.

“I stand here today, as Doyoung’s best man, and I would like to thank him for giving me this position. Because I truly deserved it after putting up with him for so many years. Let us cheer to the years I have suffered.” Yuta raises his glass towards Doyoung and Doyoung raises his. The crowd laughs.

“I’ve known Doyoung for about seven years now. We spent the whole of college together, and we went from being broke college school students to slightly less broke working adults. I’ve seen him at his best, not a common sight, and more frequently at his worst.” Another bout of laughter.

“Which is why we mean so much to each other. We were there through each other’s toughest times and we didn’t leave the other to deal with his own problems. When things were really bad and the future seemed bleak back then, we helped each other get through each day and those memories, although not luxurious and glorious, are the ones that stayed with me and I can confidently say that they will continue to stay with me for the rest of my life. Doyoung could have easily taken over his family’s business straight after college but he had wanted to deserve it, he wanted to work for it so he did. He started from the bottom and he spent so much effort to climb up to where he is now so that he can take over with pride and honour. And I have to say, I’ve never admired anyone more in my entire life.”

“Doyoung has his idiot moments, like when he set his alarm at 8 p.m. instead of 8 a.m. and ended up missing his finals. Or when he didn’t watch where he was walking and ended up stuck in a newly cemented pavement. But that’s what I like about him. He’s intelligent yet so stupid. He’s reliable yet so clumsy, he’s strong but also fragile. Once, I got into some trouble with a group of people back in college and he pretended to act all tough when he came to my rescue. He was scary yet charismatic and he managed to scare them away with just his words and no actions. I was in awe. Thing is, he started crying immediately when we got back to our dorm because I was bleeding so much and he didn’t know what to do.” Yuta laughs. “That’s when I knew, I’m keeping him in my life. And I’m glad he kept me in his despite my flaws. He’s definitely one of a kind.”

“I’d like to think that his best trait is that he loves unconditionally and whole-heartedly. His family has always been his priority and so has his close friends and loved ones.”

Yuta hears sniffling in between laughter and he didn’t plan on it but he’s glad that people are moved by his speech because it only shows that his sincerity has been felt. He shifts his gaze to Doyoung and he finds that his eyes are shiny too. He didn’t mean for anyone to cry, the last person being himself but he finds his voice getting hoarse and he knows it’s not from speaking too much. He clears his throat and continues.

“Kim Doyoung loves with all his heart and not once does he hold back. He’s generous and the way he loves makes you feel like you’ve been given the whole world, the universe. Even if you push him away, or make him angry, or throw hurtful words at him, he always comes back. And it might seem impossible but his love deepens incredibly so and you’d never feel so loved in your life before.” Yuta pauses and locks his eyes with Doyoung. It lasts a few seconds before he turns to Jiwon. “And that is why Jiwon, you are blessed to have met such a man. As he is to have met you. You two fit each other perfectly in so many ways and I wish only happiness for the both of you from the bottom of my heart.”

Yuta bows to the couple and the crowd breaks into an applause. Yuta lowers into his seat and Jiwon mouths him a ‘thank you’ with a sweet smile. Doyoung distractedly motions for the food to be served. Jiwon places her hand on Doyoung’s shoulder and whispers something to him. He turns his head in Yuta’s direction but a plate of food has just been laid out in front of Yuta so he avoids Doyoung’s eyes and pours his attention on the dish instead.

Yuta has a great time catching up with his friends throughout dinner. Apparently Johnny is a well-known photographer in the photography industry and Jaehyun’s planning to open a restaurant with a menu that he’s been working on for half a year. He jokes around with Sicheng and Taeil a lot and everyone is having a good time chatting with each other. The music brings in a light and cheerful ambience and the good warm feeling spreads all around the wedding hall. Yuta thinks this is how weddings are supposed to be like. Filled with happiness and warmth.

Dessert comes out at last and people are filing out onto the floor to end the ceremony off with a dance. Yuta remains seated and holds his wine glass as he observes the dance floor and hums along with the song. Sicheng had asked him for a dance but he declined because he doesn’t think he’s loosened enough so a pouty Sicheng had asked Taeil instead, who had always been weak to Sicheng’s pouts. Yuta’s alone at the table and he laughs as he watches Taeil stumble over his own feet. They dance for a while but Taeil doesn’t get any better, stepping on Sicheng’s feet repeatedly and from the grimace on Sicheng’s face Yuta knows Sicheng’s feet are probably throbbing by now. He decides to save Sicheng and walks up to them. He cuts in, patting Sicheng’s back comfortingly. “I think you need a break,” he tells Sicheng with a wink and volunteers as Taeil’s partner. Sicheng’s eyes convey a message of thanks and he moves away from the dance floor.

Taeil sighs. “Can we just sit down. Obviously me dancing isn’t doing anyone any good.”

“But I just started. And who says it’s doing no good to anyone? It’s definitely entertaining me.”

The songs so far have been upbeat, bright pop songs so there’s no slow dancing on the agenda yet. Yuta would love to see Taeil mess that up too.

Taeil flicks his forehead. “I shouldn’t have helped you with your speech if I knew you were going to make fun of me." 

“But it’s been done.” Yuta sticks his tongue out at Taeil. “And people loved it. So thank you.”

Taeil shrugs. “That speech was all you. I just guided you along the way.”

“But you helped me phrase my words and-”

“Yuta,” Taeil says and his tone softens. “Those words came from _your_ heart, not mine.”

Yuta realises he’s stopped moving along to the beat and Taeil takes it as a cue to guide him away from the dance floor to the side where it’s more quiet and private. 

“How are you holding up?” Taeil asks him genuinely.

“I think I’m doing okay,” Yuta says. He then half-jokingly adds, “I haven’t cried yet, so that’s an achievement.” 

Taeil looks at him worriedly. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes hyung,” Yuta assures him. “Look at me, I’m doing fine.”

Taeil still doesn’t seem convinced. He sighs. “I just can’t believe it you know? You two were always bickering but you stuck by each other no matter what.” He pauses, contemplating his words. “I’ve never seen a couple more in love in my life than the two of you.”

Yuta keeps silent for a while, the pang of his heart suddenly too loud. “Hyung, it’s alright. That was in the past. It’s different now.” Yuta tells him. It’s empty words and he knows Taeil knows it too.

“Is it really, or are you just saying it?” Taeil asks him and there’s a hint of sadness in his voice.

 “I’m- I’m doing fine.” Yuta answers. “Really, I’m fine, don’t worry about me.” 

“You know I can’t help but worry.” Taeil’s voice softens. “Things like this don’t just go away and I worry that you won’t show that you’re hurt. I’d prefer you crying all over my carpet again than you putting up a façade.” 

“Hyung can please you forget that ever happened.” Yuta groans. “I’ll tell you if I need someone okay? But for now I’m fine.” Yuta tries for a smile. “So don’t worry.”

The look of worry doesn’t leave Taeil’s face.

“Hyung, you’re being too serious.” Yuta suddenly catches a glimpse of Johnny over Taeil’s shoulder. An idea pops into his head. “I don’t think you’ve danced enough,” he says, smiling.

“No, Yuta please I _hate_ dancing. Don’t-”

“Johnny!” Yuta shouts as to Johnny on the other side of the dance floor. Johnny looks up and meets Yuta’s eyes. “Want to dance?” Yuta mouths as he points very obviously to Taeil. Taeil splutters and gestures a big ‘X’ with his hands, shaking his head vehemently. Johnny laughs and gives an ok sign before he makes his way over. Johnny offers his hand to Taeil to which Yuta gladly offers Taeil up, much to Taeil’s bewilderment. Taeil gives him a last look of concern and Yuta knows they’ll talk again later but he’s glad that Johnny’s whisked him away for now. Taeil is surprisingly popular for someone with two left feet.  

Yuta stands around idly, choosing to simply be a passive observer. The guests look happy and seem to be having an enjoyable time. Yuta strolls along the perimeter of the hall, holding a glass of wine as he observes the small details of the wedding. The pastel pink streamers hanging above and the fairy lights wrapped around the pillars give off such a fairytale vibe. Yuta thinks the wedding planning was done beautifully. The flower arrangements are gorgeous too and he thinks Doyoung might have contributed some ideas because he sees some of Doyoung’s favourite flowers decorating the tables. Yuta looks around feeling somewhat melancholic. There was once a time too where Yuta had thought of his own wedding, but that feels like forever ago.

(“Hyung, how do you imagine your wedding to be like?” Doyoung questions.

Yuta hums and plays with Doyoung’s hands. He brings Doyoung’s hand up, using it to filter the stream of sunlight coming through the window. Doyoung’s fingers are pale and thin, looking delicate under the soft rays of the sun. Yuta thinks they look best when intertwined with his so he laces them together. Doyoung’s hand fits perfectly in his like it has always does. Yuta brings Doyoung’s hand to his mouth and presses a kiss to the back of it.

“Hyung, come on.” Doyoung says as he rolls on his front and lies his head on Yuta’s chest. He lifts his chin to look at Yuta. “What’s your dream wedding like?" 

“To have it with you,” Yuta says off-handedly, taking in Doyoung’s cute face resting on top of his chest. Doyoung’s eyes widen at his answer and he smacks Yuta’s side.

“Oww!”

“I’m serious. And I hope that’s not a proposal.”

Yuta laughs. “It’s definitely not. I want _you_ to propose to me,” Yuta jokes. He traces his finger along Doyoung’s facial features. He softly traces along Doyoung’s forehead, following the outline of his bangs and then follows down the slope of his nose. He thinks about how he likes every single part of Doyoung’s face.

Doyoung scoffs. “And why should I? Who says _I_ want to marry _you_?”

“Then who else would marry you?” Yuta muses. “I’m doing the world a favour. 

Doyoung gasps and sits up, frowning. Yuta pulls him back down on top of his chest and wraps his arms around him. “I’m just playing with you.” Yuta looks at him affectionately. “But I never really thought of a dream wedding. I think as long as my partner’s happy, I’m happy.”

“That’s so typical of you.” Doyoung says, rolling his eyes.

“The wedding would turn out terrible if I did all the planning anyway,” Yuta states and pulls Doyoung closer to him. Doyoung buries his head in Yuta’s chest.

“Looks like I have to do all the work,” Doyoung mumbles and Yuta catches the underlying meaning of his words before Doyoung can deny anything. Doyoung realises what he’d just said and he looks up to Yuta, looking flustered and his cheeks a tint of red. “I mean- that’s not what I-”

“Was that a proposal?” Yuta teases.

“Shut up,” Doyoung mumbles, trying to hide his eyes away. Yuta nudges Doyoung to make him look back up at him, carding his fingers through Doyoung’s soft hair. “What about you? Since you kept criticizing mine, let’s hear about _your_ dream wedding.”

Doyoung hums as he ponders it over. “Well it’s nothing fancy.” Yuta gives him a skeptical look. “Really,” he tries to convince Yuta. “I just think I’d be great if the Korean and Japanese traditions were integrated together. I think it would turn out beautifully.”

Yuta looks at him. He stares at Doyoung and he wonders just how did he end up so lucky. Doyoung looks back at him, the tint of red returning to his cheeks. “What?” Doyoung says out softly. Yuta feels like his heart might just burst and he acts on instinct, pulling Doyoung up to connect their lips together. Doyoung gasps out of surprise but he kisses Yuta back almost immediately and Yuta can feel Doyoung’s smile against his lips. )

Yuta puts his glass down onto a nearby table and is about to go find Sicheng to check up on him when a familiar voice greets him. 

“We haven’t danced yet.”

Yuta looks up and finds the bride herself approaching him. She’s changed into a beautiful evening gown and her hair flows elegantly over her shoulders. She looks absolutely gorgeous and Yuta can’t help thinking again and again how the two really suit each other. “Are you that popular that the bride herself has to come and ask for a dance?” She jokes.

“I was saving you from the horrible fate of dancing with me.” Yuta jokes back and he offers his hand, which Jiwon takes and he leads them to the dance floor. The song number is slower now and Yuta takes her by her waist and holds her right hand like a proper gentleman, guiding her along to the gentle beat of the song.

Jiwon looks at him with a twinkle in her eyes and her voice is soft when she asks him. “How long were you two together?”

Yuta stiffens for a fraction of a second but collects himself immediately. The only people aware of his and Doyoung’s past relationship were close friends from college. Doyoung hadn’t want anyone from the business industry to know, and that included Jiwon, no matter how close of a friend she is. Yuta looks at her with a confused expression. “How did you-”

She laughs. “You don’t think I’m actually that dumb right? Yuta, I’ve known Doyoung longer than you have. I see it. How he looks at you, how you look at him.” She gives a smile. “Reminds me of me and my boyfriend when we were still together.”

Suddenly there’s a new connection established between the two of them. It’s weird how a newly formed connection can run so deep and resonate so well between the two of them. Yuta thinks maybe it’s because pain is such a common unwanted feeling that people who are hurting can relate to each other so well despite it being carefully hidden.

“I’m sorry,” Yuta tells her. She shakes her head. “It’s nobody’s fault.” Yuta twirls her around slowly and she giggles at the gesture.

“Tell me about the two of you.”

Yuta ponders on how to tell about it. “We were together since the last year of college. So about four years.” Yuta shares.

“Till I came into the picture.” Jiwon adds in. 

“Don’t say it like that. It’s nobody’s fault, remember?” Yuta reminds her. “It’s the only thing the two of you could do to save your family businesses. You did the right thing.”

Jiwon sighs as she recalls the memory of it. “When Doyoung came up to me and suggested it, I was taken aback. Because I had my suspicions that you two were together. Him coming up to me with that suggestion meant that he was prepared to let you go to help his family. I was hesitant at first because as much as I wanted to help my own family too, it meant I had to give up my boyfriend. I was torn and I realized it must have been difficult for him to have done what he did. It’s very admirable of him. And of you too for respecting all this. "

“How did you decide to let your boyfriend go?” 

Jiwon smiles. “It wasn’t easy. We were together for three years. When I told him about it, well, we took a break. When we came back again, he told me my happiness is his happiness so he let me go. But he was crying and I was crying and it was a painful experience. But it’s become a beautiful memory.”

Yuta thinks she’s really strong to be talking about it fondly when he knows it’s probably still like a fresh wound on her heart. “Did he come today?”

She shakes her head. “No, but he called me last night and we talked from midnight all the way to sunrise.  She leans in close to Yuta’s ear and whispers. “You can’t tell because of the makeup but my eyes are actually really swollen.” She gives a small laugh after.

“You still look as beautiful as ever.” Yuta tells her. “It must have been a lot that you guys talked about.”

Jiwon smiles fondly as she recounts. “We talked about nothing. About everything. It was like the old times where we would just lay in bed and talk till the first ray of sunlight would hit the curtain. He said he was sorry he wouldn’t be at the wedding. Says he can’t bring himself to watch me get married to someone else but he had loved me dearly and wished me happiness for my future.” Her eyes are getting shiny and she shakes her head as if to shake her tears away. She looks at Yuta with a sad smile. “If it’s hard for him to even come here, then I can only imagine how hard it is for you to be here and watch all of this happen,” she says. “I truly am sorry.”

“I couldn’t let myself miss out on the wedding,” Yuta tells her with a smile. “I want to be here. I mean it.” Yuta then playfully adds. “I had to make sure Doyoung wasn’t rebelling against the staff or anything either.”

It manages to make Jiwon laugh. “Can’t believe we’re legally married, me and him.”

“Doyoung can be a pain sometimes, but he’ll treat you right. You mean a lot to him.”

“I don’t doubt it. He’s a really great friend but I don’t think we will ever be anything more than that. We’re similar in many ways, our priority for family being one of them. But also, our hearts already belong to someone else.”

Yuta sways them gently along to the calming music accompanying them. Yuta thinks of how they must look to people, appearing happy and content, the bride because it’s her wedding day and the best man because it’s an important day for his best friend. He wonders how they would feel if they knew the contents of their hearts had so much sorrow instead.

One of her relatives comes over and asks her for a dance so Yuta bows to the two of them and makes way to an empty table. He sits there and searches for any sign of Taeil or Sicheng. He sees them with Johnny and Jaehyun talking to the DJ, probably trying to persuade him to change the music into something more hyped and upbeat. Taeil looks like he’s been dragged there against his will. Yuta laughs quietly to himself as he observes Taeil’s dreadful expression.

“Having a good time?” comes from a voice from beside him and he turns to find the groom standing to his right.

Yuta turns his head back to where Taeil is. “Was Taeil hyung always this awkward?” he comments amusedly. He sees Taeil trying to back away but Sicheng has a firm hand on his back, preventing him from going anywhere else.

“Was Taeil hyung ever not awkward at whatever he does?” Doyoung muses.

“Touché. Although,” Yuta backpedals, “he did do a good job at helping me out with the speech.”

Doyoung stiffens visibly. “Actually, can I talk to you about that?” Doyoung asks with a serious expression on his face. Yuta’s not quite comfortable with where the conversation is going. He gives a weak laugh. “If you’re going to be petty about me telling uncool stories about you-”

“It’s not about that. I just- Can we talk?” Doyoung asks, looking at him expectantly. Yuta’s been dreading this moment the entire day because he doesn’t think he’s ready for it. To uncover the layers and get to the real and raw emotions they’ve been keeping in. He doesn’t want to face it but he has to eventually so he takes in a breath to steady himself and nods. “Here?”

Doyoung looks around and shakes his head. “Follow me.” He moves out of the wedding hall. Yuta follows him out and down the corridor past the other halls till they’re standing outside the hall at the very end. Doyoung pushes past the large heavy doors and leads him in.

“We booked another hall in case our business partners wanted somewhere private to discuss about some issues.” Doyoung explains. “But most of them left already so no one’s going to enter. "

Yuta nods and Doyoung leans against the closed doors, foregoing the chairs and tables present around them. Yuta stands in front of him and puts his hands in his pockets, not knowing what to do with them.

“I met up with Taeil a few weeks ago." 

It’s not what Yuta was expecting but then again, he doesn’t know what to expect. “…Okay?”

“I- I went over to Taeil’s to confide in him. Because I was feeling miserable and I felt lost and I just didn’t know what to do. I told him maybe I should cancel the wedding and I started talking about you and then I started crying and I couldn’t stop. It was really bad. I bawled like a baby.” Doyoung laughs dryly. Yuta’s heart hurts at the sound of his lifeless laughter and he just wants to reach out and hold Doyoung close.

“And I started saying how much I missed you and how hard it was. Hyung, it was so difficult for me but you didn’t show any sign that you were having a hard time so I thought it was just me. That I was weak and the relationship affected me more than it did for you.” Doyoung pauses. “Until in the midst of comforting me Taeil mentioned just a week ago you were crying your eyes out in his living room too.” Doyoung’s voice becomes smaller and less stable as he looks straight at Yuta. “While writing your speech. He said you were crying, saying you couldn’t bring yourself to write it.”

So much for trusting Taeil, he thinks. Yuta drops his gaze and runs his fingers through his hair tiredly. He lets out a shaky breath and looks back up at Doyoung. “I didn’t want to make you feel worse by showing that I was having it hard. It’ll only be harder on you.” Yuta explains. “It _does_ hurt me, just as much as it hurts you.”

Doyoung shakes his head and steps forward lifting his back off the door. ”No, I get it. You were doing it for me. I just. I just want to apologise for feeling comforted knowing that you were suffering too.” Doyoung chokes on his words. “I was selfish for making you my best man and for making you write that speech when obviously it hurt you to do so. I shouldn’t have-“

“Hey, hey. It’s ok. I’m glad that it happened in the end. Because I _want_ to be at your wedding. I want to be there for you and I’m happy that you want me here too.”

“I just never thought it would turn out this way, you know?” Doyoung says as he takes in a deep breath to steady himself. “I never wanted you as my best man." 

Yuta smiles and he reaches out to push away the few strands of hair that has fallen into Doyoung’s face. Yuta never imagined himself at Doyoung’s wedding as best man either. “Life works in ways you never expect.”

Doyoung sighs and stands up straighter, bringing his hands to hug his own body. “Did you mean what you said? In the speech,” he asks quietly. 

“About what?” Yuta asks.

“About feeling like I gave you the whole world. That you felt loved like you never did before.”

Yuta searches Doyoung’s eyes. “I never said it was me.”

“You didn’t have to,” Doyoung replies. “We were together for four years. I know you better than you know yourself.”

Yuta couldn’t find it in himself to disagree with the statement. “I meant every word,” he tells him.

Doyoung lets out another empty laugh and the sound of it pulls at Yuta’s heart. Doyoung lets his words run free. “Months ago, I didn’t even imagine this. Getting married. Months ago, we were sleeping on the same bed. We were making dinner together in the kitchen. We were making out on the couch.” He looks at Yuta with a pained expression. “Months ago, you were mine and you meant the world to me and I felt happy just by looking at you." 

“Doyoung-” Yuta strains.

 “You still mean the world to me but you’re not mine anymore. And I feel sorry and guilty every time I look at you because I know you’re hurting and I know it’s because of me.”

“Doyoung, stop thinking like that. It was inevitable okay? It was for the best and-“ 

“I’m just,” Doyoung lets out exasperatedly as he brings out a palm near Yuta’s cheek but pulls back before it even touches. As if he was going to do something unforgivable. “it hurts me to see you smile when you see me with someone else. It hurts to see you hide your pain.”

Yuta looks down to hide his eyes from Doyoung because it’s true. It tears his heart apart and even though he was the one who had initiated the breakup, it didn’t mean he had wanted it. It’s the last thing on earth that he wants. If he had it his way, he would have been selfish and kept Doyoung to himself because Doyoung was the best thing that ever happened to him. But Doyoung’s family business was in an unstable state and competitors were waiting for the business to collapse. A business merger was ideal to save the business and the idea of marriage to achieve it brought the promise of stability and a sense of permanence. When Doyoung had told him about how the business would benefit and how Jiwon was willing to do it as well to support her own family business, Yuta was torn. Because Doyoung was crying the whole time he explained it to him and Yuta could feel his desperation. Doyoung’s brother was already married so that leaves with Doyoung as the only hope his family had. Yuta could choose to be selfish and tell Doyoung he couldn’t agree to it but he couldn’t bear to see Doyoung let his family down. So he wrapped Doyoung in his arms and wiped his tear-stained cheeks and kissed him fiercely on the lips again and again. He told Doyoung he understands. They laid in each other’s arms that night and as he held Doyoung gingerly close to his chest, and he tells Doyoung that they should breakup. Doyoung cried himself to sleep in his arms and they fell asleep entangled with each other till morning came round bringing the painful separation that has to follow. So it’s an understatement to say that Yuta is hurting watching Doyoung get married. He’s _devastated_ and _empty_ inside and there’s no worse feeling than wanting and longing but knowing that he’ll never get to have what he once had ever again.

“I’m sorry for being the biggest jerk for putting you in this situation,” Doyoung’s voice trembles. 

Yuta steps closer, coming into Doyoung’s personal space but not close enough that they’re touching. “Don’t be. I broke up with you remember?” 

“I just want you to know that if I had to marry anyone else, it would be Jiwon.” Doyoung says carefully. “But it had always been you.”

Yuta doesn’t cry. Yuta told himself not to cry the morning Doyoung left. He doesn’t cry when Doyoung isn’t beside him in the morning after he wakes, when Doyoung isn’t whining for his attention while he watches anime, when Doyoung isn’t whistling in the kitchen on Sunday mornings. The only time he allowed himself to break down was that time when it got really bad and he got drunk and Sicheng came for him, and when he was at Taeil’s writing his speech. The reality of it all had come crashing down on him then. Other than those times, he doesn’t cry, not even on some nights when his heart aches more than usual and he had caught himself staring at Doyoung’s number on his phone. 

“Doyoung? Doyoung are you out here?” comes a voice from outside. It’s Jiwon. They look into each other’s eyes and Yuta steps away breaking whatever there was between them, letting Doyoung respond to Jiwon’s call. Doyoung looks at him with forlorn eyes and steps back, pushing the door open. He calls out to Jiwon. Jiwon spots him and comes nearer till she’s standing right outside the hall. She sees Doyoung first and then her eyes scan the hall inside. She gives Yuta a sweet smile as her eyes land on him.

“Oh here you are,” she says as her eyes shift from Yuta back to Doyoung. “Your mother’s been looking for you. I told her you’re probably somewhere outside.”

“Is it something urgent?”

“Not really, you know how mothers are. She was talking to one of my cousins and kept boasting about you. She wants for him to personally meet you. About business and all that,” Jiwon scrunches her face.

Doyoung sighs. He lifts his back from the opened door and makes a move to return to the wedding hall. Jiwon holds his arm and stops him abruptly.

“Do you want me to stall her for you? For a while longer?” She asks genuinely. 

“Do you mind doing that? Just give me ten minutes and I’ll be right there.” Doyoung tells her and she nods. She glances at Yuta and gives him one of her sweet smiles.

“Take all the time that you need.”

Jiwon leaves and they watch her retreat back into the wedding hall. The music fades out as the door of the wedding hall closes. Yuta clears his throat. “I think we should probably head back in as well. People are looking for you-“

Doyoung suddenly shoves Yuta into the empty hall, letting the door behind them swing close, catching Yuta by surprise. “We’re not done talking yet.”

Doyoung marches them right to the middle of the hall and Yuta doesn’t know what to make of Doyoung’s sudden change in manner.

“Doyoung what- why are you- Are you okay?”

Doyoung runs his hand through his own hair looking perplexed. “I’m fine. I just. I really want to have this talk. We should end this right. So that you can move on with no lingering feelings.” He looks at Yuta earnestly.

Yuta doesn’t think he can move on when he’s given his all to Doyoung. But he knows he has to and he doesn’t know what to think of a life where he’s fine without Doyoung. Because he can’t picture it at all. 

“Then say everything that’s on your mind.” Yuta tells him.

“I want you to know that I loved every single moment I spent with you. And they were the best moments of my life.” Doyoung says. “But I want you to find someone else that makes you happy.”

“That’s not fair. What about you? Will you be happy?”

“If you’re happy, then I will be.”

“You shouldn’t link your happiness to me anymore. If we’re doing this right, you should find happiness from within yourself and not from anyone else.”

Doyoung nods his head but his eyes are getting shiny. “Deal. We’ll still be best friends right?”

Yuta smiles. “Do you even have to ask?”

 Doyoung gives him a warm smile and a small tiny tear drops from the corner of his eyes. He takes a step closer to Yuta and puts out his hand. “How do you feel about a dance?”

“A dance?" 

“One last dance.”

Yuta looks at him incredulously. “Here? With no music?”

“You say that like we’ve never done that before,” Doyoung laughs and it’s a combination that shouldn’t be, sadness and laughter.

They’ve actually had a few dances together. They had done it quite a few times in their apartment back when they used to live together. It was just random spontaneous moments where they’re cleaning the house and Doyoung would suddenly twirl and waltz up to Yuta. Yuta would laugh at the absurdity of the situation but still play along and hold Doyoung close as they both dance in the half-cleaned living room in their raggy old T-shirts and boxers, dust sticking stubbornly in their hair.

“One last one,” Doyoung says. Yuta repeats those words in his head as he accepts Doyoung’s hand. He steps closer to Doyoung and wraps his arms around Doyoung’s waist as Doyoung hangs his arms around Yuta’s neck. Yuta guides them from left to right along to beatless silence surrounding them. Doyoung buries his head into Yuta’s neck and the familiarity of it all comforts him and makes him crumble at the same time.

They stay that way for a while relishing in each other’s embrace, letting the silence do all the talking and choosing to treasure this moment they have together. Because they both know a ‘next time’ won’t come. “I wish this moment could last forever.” Doyoung whispers from where he’s snuggled against Yuta’s neck. Yuta doesn’t say anything but he hums in response, his thoughts resonating with Doyoung’s. Doyoung pulls back and searches for his eyes. 

“I meant what I said. That I’d marry you.” Doyoung says. “Of all the people, I would choose you to spend the rest of my life with.”

Yuta’s heart sinks and he feels so helpless. He’s upset and tired and filled with longing but he also has the desire to move on and close this chapter of his life. Because it’s complicated and painful and his head is a mess. His _heart_ is a mess and what’s worse is that he hasn’t been crying after the incident at Taeil’s apartment not because he wills himself not to but because in actual fact, he can’t. He stays awake at night wishing and hoping and praying for a solution, be it to bring them together or to help him move on. But wishes never really come true and are prayers ever really heard? So he continues living with a heart that gets weary with each passing day, as if all the tears that couldn’t fall are collected and stored in his heart, drowning him from the inside.

“That’s not fair,” Yuta says as he tucks Doyoung’s hair behind his ear. “You can’t say things like that and expect me to move on.”

“I’m sorry.” Doyoung says guiltily. “I’m sorry for being selfish and for needing you beside me. Even at my wedding.”

“Stop apologising. I told you, I want to be here for you. None of the things that happened are your fault.” 

“It is,” Doyoung says vehemently and hot tears trail down his cheeks. “You wouldn’t be in this mess if it weren’t for me.” 

Yuta wipes at his tears tenderly. “What are you even saying. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Fresh new tears spill out from Doyoung’s eyes and Yuta hugs him tight as he cries into Yuta’s chest. Yuta tries to calm him down even if though he’s hurting just as much.

He holds Doyoung by his shoulders when Doyoung’s crying has reduced and Doyoung looks at him with teary eyes. Their faces are barely inches apart and their breaths mingle as they slowly gravitate towards each other. Yuta can feel himself drifting towards Doyoung and alarms go off inside his head.

“We shouldn’t,” Yuta whispers. Doyoung nods but he’s doesn’t do anything to change it, leaning closer and closer to Yuta. Yuta’s body doesn’t response to the warnings his mind is sending and he doesn’t have it within himself to pull away. As their lips find each other, the words _one last time_ repeats like a mantra in Yuta’s head. The kiss is salty and his heart wrenches painfully as he allows himself to drown in Doyoung for the last time.

 

\--

 

Yuta sits alone at a table and he takes in the lively atmosphere of the wedding until Sicheng bounces up to him with Taeil in tow. It looks like Sicheng’s had a few glasses of wine too many and Taeil is the exact opposite, seeming drained of energy. Yuta pulls a chair out for Taeil while Sicheng sits down eagerly at his other side. Sicheng rests his head in his palms and Yuta looks at him amusedly. Sicheng’s eyes wander aimlessly, scanning the sights around him and eventually land on the flower in Yuta’s breast-pocket.

“All the other groomsmen have a different flower from you.” Sicheng notes. “Yours is a white tulip isn’t it?”

Yuta looks down at the flower, almost forgetting that it was there the whole time. “This? Yeah, it is. How’d you know?”

Taeil looks at him carefully. “It’s the same one Doyoung gave you back in college." 

“You remember that?” Yuta laughs, recalling the exact memory.

“It was the biggest fight you guys ever had. How could we forget?” Sicheng recalls fondly. “He chose that for you didn’t he?”

Yuta shifts in his seat. “Maybe, I didn’t ask him about it.”

Sicheng hums. “A white tulip. You do know what it means right? They’re often given as a form of-“

“Apology,” Yuta says. “Forgiveness.”

Sicheng nods and Yuta gives him a small, weary smile. “I know.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments appreciated!


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